THE OFFICIAL COVID-19 CRÆSHCOURSE

Dear readers, you reckless little half-person half-student monstrosities! Looks like you have been seriously slacking this semester. The COVID-19 course (goes by the course-ID COV019) has been trendy not only at NMBU but also pretty much all around the world. Getting an A+ in Covid Sciences requires you to practice day and night for the final test. It is there to prove the title you have been graciously given by not only our sweet municipality officials (shoutout to @kommuneunderlegenaass) but also our fellow society members in general.

Tun & Tre encourages you to take advantage of the potential society reopening and practice your way up to the perfect exam. We present to you our official crash course on acing the COV019 test. Get your notebooks ready, it is time to make your family proud.

Journalist: Elina Turbiná
Photographer: Nathalie Genevieve Bjørneby

You are now entering the No Hygiene Zone
Starting off with the most obvious tip of them all - stop motherfricking washing your hands and having any precautions when it comes to the safety of others! Class of Covid Sciences is not for sissy boys that care about their hygiene, so do not hesitate with throwing away your masks and disinfectants.

Social animal, gym rat
Next up - get your old routine back as soon as the restrictions ease up. We are talking about going to the gym (it is scientifically proven that you are in most luck if you go to Eika), going on shopping trips to malls and coffee dates in all sorts of hip cafes. Being in social spots with a very diverse crowd of people shows your dedication to the cause, and it will not go unnoticed during the exam.

Single and ready to mingle
Nothing helps meeting new people more than a good old game of fishing, sliding and hanging. Want to meet a random person you know close to nothing about? It helps to seek out a good match during covid because you already know that they are also taking this exam seriously. And you know how important it is to share the same values with your potential mate! Flex your flirting muscles and you might end up with a great reward. And when you succeed in getting this person out on a date, do not forget to touch! Like, a lot!

Bad techno, good vibes
Do not think we have forgotten about that sweet vors (preparty) and nach (afterparty) goodness: invite your friends over for a house fest! Make them invite their friends! We understand that this one could be a bit challenging, as most people have been pretty reluctant to go out during these times, so use your nature-given (or acquired!) awkward Nordic charm to lure as many people in as possible. Extra points for inviting a bunch of high schoolers (of legal drinking age!) since the spread is very good in schools nowadays. Pick a good bad techno playlist, share alcohol bottles, improvise some choreography - all these things can further your chance of getting a lucky try at a COV019 test. Get your nasty out!

Dørene lukkes
We are in such a great geographical position being this close to the ultimate covid capital of Norway that we have to utilize our opportunities as much as possible. Get to know Oslo by taking all five T-bane lines, get on those old trams, or listen to some squeaky bus door sounds. The privilege of taking Oslo’s public transport can help you out a lot if you want that sweet covid exposure. We recommend rush hours for the most immersive experience.

No way, Norway!
Now that you have hung around the capital for a bit, it is time to get your suitcase packed up, your cheap ticket booked, and your terrible airport food served - you are going to explore this beautiful country! From Tromsø to Kristiansand, visit every part of Norway that you forgot to care about before the lockdown hit.

Cabin fun
If you are not interested in a lot of long-distance travelling, utilize the privileges of living a "detached" and "simple life" - go on a hyttetur, baby! If you do not have your own cabin, you can always ask your friends to share keys for one. Or rent one out. Or invite your friends and that dating app match to a cabin party if you are an overachiever. Staying at a cabin is a great way to create an illusion of doing something good for society and the environment. We love performative humbleness!

Testing, Testing, 1-2-3
Book your appointment as soon as you suspect some symptoms coming through. It means you are ready to take the COV019 test! Come into the testing site confidently, with some good, dramatic soundtrack in your earbuds (we recommend "The Final Countdown" by Europe). Make mildly funny banter with the nurses, breathe in deeply, and let the stick do its disgusting job. And then wait two to four days to find out if you have passed your examination.

Congratulations, you are positive!
The ultimate secret to success in COV019 course is to pretend you have not been struggling as much as the rest of the world in the past year and to forget about all the limitations this pandemic has brought on you. There is "super" in "superspreader" for a reason. Good luck, you nasty piece of student!