A Glance at Norwegian Dating

I heard lots of good things about the typical Ås-student before I started at NMBU. There were rumours about outdoorsy people with a love for the outdoors and nature. Handsome guys with stylish woollen sweaters who sing, dance and go skiing. Passionate girls who bike around to save expired food. Eccentric people who dare be themselves. The conditions seem perfect for finding love, but are we brave enough to ask each other out on a date?

Journalist: Iris van Brunschot

Translator: Sofie Palmstrøm

Illustrator: Signe Aanes

From Buenos Aires to Ås

When I came to Ås after being in Argentina, I was used to an open and direct dating culture. At a tango class in Buenos Aires I met a guy from Colombia, let’s all him Pablo. Pablo asked me one night if I wanted a beer, and we went to a bar. A few days later we saw movie at the cinema, and the week after we went for a walk in the park. Not until after a few more dates, it happened that I was gently invited back to his place. When I, a year later, studied in Wales, dating took a pretty similar course, and friends from around the world could confirm the international dating model. Norwegian dating, on the other hand, has been turned upside down, shaken, and then reassembled in a random order.

Dating Turned Upside Down

I came to Ås ready to start the hunt for love, which also became the first case I wrote for Tuntreet in the fall of 2020. There, I painted a picture of a starlit walk with freshly baked waffles and a magical meeting at the thrift shop in Ås centre (when it is open for once). But it quickly got clear to me that these dreams only belonged in my sleeping head.

If you get a “hi”, that possibly turns into a date (probably an outdoor activity, because it’s way to awkward to go to a café and talk), you are lucky. But don’t get your hopes up just yet. The chance of the date leading to something more than just a nice walk is slim. If you have more ambitious plans, alcohol is required.

Pablo Gets Drunk

Let’s go back to Pablo who asks me if I want a beer. But this time it doesn’t stop with just one glass of Ringnes. Three, four, five glasses of beer. Then some wine. And gladly some liquor to top it off. Closer to midnight both are swaying as we approach the dance floor, and by now you know the time is ripe for some action. If you are lucky, Pablo is still at the house the next morning, and you venture out on a new date where the process is repeated. After this it might be ok to give each other a quick nod if you randomly and unwillingly cross paths. First after having slept together an unknown number of times, you somehow are declared as a couple. A couple of years later you move in together and (in the case of the environmentally conscious Ås-student) pick out furniture at the thrift store.

The Ås-student: Really Norwegian or Eccentric?

The typical Ås-student is fond of Norwegian traditions, while at the same time they try to stand out and think anew. But do the students in the Ås-bubble manage to stand out in terms of dating, or do they fall back into old patterns? The truth is that the walk around the fields rarely leads to something more exciting if alcohol is not involved. On the contrary, the most exciting seems to happen after a seemingly innocent, but rather drunken “hi” that is yelled out to a fellow student across a table at a Wednesday’s bodega.

Ås can be said to be a prime example of the Norwegian dating model. How did Norwegians get here? Is it impossible to sleep together without alcohol or go on a date without awkward looks the day after? What has created this unusual order of dating (which, for the matter, is the most ordinary thing on earth for Norwegians)? In my eyes it all boils down to a polite wish of keeping your distance, not be a bother, and at all times avoid awkward situations.

Bergensbanen as a Very Relevant Metaphor

Don’t get me wrong, the “Norwegian” dating model is not uniquely Norwegian. The difference is that in Italy there are many roads that lead to Rome. In Buenos Aires there are several trams driving to Plaza de Mayo. In Norway there is only Bergensbanen that takes you from Bergen to Oslo. Between Bergen and Trondheim there are no trains at all. The point is that I was a little lost with my last example, but so is Norwegian dating. Internationally there are many ways to find love, in Norway there is mainly only one.

I must admit that me and my Dutch roots have been Norwegified. I don’t say hi to the bus drivers, I only talk to strangers when I’m drunk, and I can see the benefits of Norwegian dating. Nevertheless, I must say there is a certain charm in traditional flirting. Some of the excitement is to say hi to a fellow student without knowing what it will lead to. But perhaps Norwegian students find it more exciting to wake up hungover and see if yesterday’s “hi” is still laying on the other side of the bed? Anyway, I challenge you to start a conversation with your crush in a sober lunch break at campus; before you know it you are seated next to each other on the train to Rome. Viva l’amore!

*Parts of this article is inspired by “The social guidebook to Norway – an illustrated introduction” written by Julien S. Bourelle.