In search of Askeladden monarchism

Journalist: Siren Matre

Illustrator: Marwa Nader

Translator: Ida Jystad

Once upon a time, there was a boy. This boy owned a ship that could travel just as fast on land as on water, half the kingdom, and was married to the king’s daughter. What more could a boy wish for? Despite all this, a certain unease had come over him in recent weeks. The boy noticed it in the birds in the trees, the fish in the water, and not least in the comment sections on Facebook. Could it really be true? Was monarchism beginning to fade? The boy who owned half the kingdom shuddered at the thought.

There was only one thing to do; Espen Askeladden had to set out in search of monarchism! First stop; the University in Ås. Due to the lack of an existing harbor in Ås, the ship had to remain behind in Tigerstaden. There was nothing else for Askeladden to do but pack his lunch, sling his knapsack over his shoulder, and board the R21 train.

Why did Askeladden choose to begin his search for monarchism specifically in Ås? Students are known to be the socially engaged future of the nation. They are organized, they take to the streets, and they march in demonstrations against injustice. Askeladden feared he did not stand the slightest chance of stopping an anti-monarchy parade on Karl Johan. Therefore, he wanted to get ahead of the students. Stop the snowball before it had rolled too far. Why didn’t he choose UiO students? That is private information, and has absolutely nothing to do with Sætra, Andedammen, or Bodegaen!

As the train rolled into Ås Station, Askeladden pondered the strength of the Norwegian monarchy’s foundation. What does it actually take to topple a royal house? With thoughts in his head and his knapsack on his shoulder, Askeladden jumped onto the platform. He had no idea which direction the university was. Then he spotted a young girl sitting on a bench with a book as large as the troll’s porridge bowl! She surely knows where I’m going, thought Askeladden, and walked over. “Good day, are you sitting here reading alone?” The girl looked up from her book in confusion. “Yes, I’m reading about the history of the Kingdom of Norway.” “I see, wouldn’t you care to show me the way to the university while answering two questions?” The girl looked at her nonexistent watch, squinted at the sun, and shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

As they wandered westward, Askeladden asked his first question; “What is the worst thing the monarchy in Norway has ever been through?” The girl lit up as if she had waited her entire life to be asked exactly this. “It was no easy task to unite all of Norway into one kingdom as Harald Fairhair did. It was a long and bloody affair. The years of the Black Death and poverty also looked grim. Then there was the union with Sweden, followed by the Kalmar Union, followed by union with Denmark, followed by a new union with Sweden. And Norway was hardly the alpha in all those unions. And not least, we had the occupation during World War II.” The girl paused and looked thoughtfully up at the sky. “But it is difficult to say whether any of that compares to a royal son-in-law charged with 40 different crimes and a crown princess sending emails to a convicted sex offender.” “Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear,” thought Askeladden, “had I only known the history of the Kingdom of Norway, I would never have chopped down that oak tree or built that well.” After a deep sigh, Askeladden moved on to ask his second question; “Have you seen any monarchism here in Ås?” “Well... I’m not sure. If I were you, I would go to Klubben, there are always lots of people there, and then I’d ask around. You could also write down the results and maybe make a pie chart showing...” Unfortunately, Askeladden did not catch the rest of what the girl said, as he was distracted by some orange footprints that led him straight to Studentsamfunnet i Ås.

He walked through the door, up to the second floor, and did exactly as the girl with the book had recommended. One by one, the students were asked; “Good day, are you sitting here alone and Clubbing? May I ask whether you have seen any monarchism here?” Askeladden did not quite follow the pie chart calculations, but he had learned percentages at the Royal Farm. Of the 91 people he asked, 51% said they wanted monarchy in Norway, 20.7% said they were unsure, and 28.3% did not.

Askeladden was very pleased with his results and decided to buy himself a well-earned stein. He walked over to the counter and politely asked, “Good day, are you standing here alone and selling? Could you answer two questions and give me a stein, please?” The boy behind the counter nodded and handed Askeladden a green stein. “What are you wondering about?” asked the boy. Askeladden repeated his question about the existence of monarchism, but the boy merely shrugged and said, “I don’t really care.” This answer Askeladden had not expected. “Very well, then I come to my second question. What other form of government should Norway have if not monarchy?” The line began to snake behind Espen and his stein, and the boy behind the counter once again shrugged irritably before saying, “Look, I don’t know, but down in Bodegaen right now, the Mangfaldige StyreformsSelskap is having a meeting, so you can go down there and ask them.”

th a half-full/half-empty glass, Askeladden walked down the stairs and into Bodegaen. Here, groups of people sat discussing loudly. He began by approaching

the largest table. “Good day, are you sitting here alone and discussing? What form of government is it that you want?” The group answered in chorus: “Parliamentarianism, and cheers to that!” Askeladden nodded and moved on to the next two largest tables to repeat his question. One table answered “Republic!” while the other answered “Technocracy!” He considered moving on to the other small tables and asking them too, but then he heard of something happening in the Great Hall. There, they were hosting “Pitch-a-Monarch”!

After buying himself a new green stein in Bodegaen, he wandered up to Festsalen. Three hours and 91 presentations later, he had gained a relatively good overview of whom the students wanted as monarch. Most wanted Crown Prince Haakon (some specified without Mette-Marit). Close followers were having none at all or Ingrid Alexandra. Other names that were also mentioned included Lars Monsen, themselves, their mother, Haaland, Kevin Lauren, and many, many more.

With two steins down, his lunch eaten, and many answers to many questions, Askeladden decided to begin his journey home. He could not miss his weekly porridge date with the troll!

On the train ride home, Askeladden reflected on the day he had had. Was the search for monarchism a success? To some extent, yes. There is absolutely monarchism to be found in Ås, but there is also much other strange stuff.

Snip, snap, snout, thus the adventure of Askeladden’s search for monarchism was out.