Loneliness among students

Are students at NMBU less lonely than the rest of the country? When we are referred to as the most satisfied students in the country, and NMBU boasts of being voted the best student environment ten years in a row, it may seem as if most students are having a fantastic time. After Tuntreet conducted a survey on loneliness among students, however, disturbing figures suggests another reality: A large group of students feel lonely in the shadow of the Ås-bubble. A dangerous loneliness is simmering among us, it is invisible but offers an incredible weight for those who carry it alone. In this article, we share stories from both anonymous students experiencing loneliness, a student who wishes to come forward with their own experience, and we gain insight from the Health Station on what might be the way out of the darkness of the shadow.

Journalists: Marie Tjelta and Jan Herman Heuch Olbjørn
Translator: Hanna Elise Lothe Pilskog
Illustrator: Anna Bjørke
Photographer: Guro A. Talgøy

Behind the success of the Ås-bubble, there is a dark side. A full 80% of the respondents in the survey stated that they experience loneliness. It is worth mentioning that loneliness is a nuanced concept. 19% share that they feel lonely often, 60% feel lonely sometimes, and 20% do not feel lonely. Loneliness is a common feeling, and it is important to distinguish between when it is a part of being human and when it goes too far. Nevertheless, our figures show that loneliness is more widespread among Ås students than the national average. How is it that Norway’s happiest students experience more loneliness than average? We have delved deeper into several aspects of student life at Ås to try to find out what could be the cause of the widespread loneliness. We have received responses from students who are thriving and students who feel lonely. Our goal is to present the full spectrum of student experiences. Yet, we have chosen to place extra emphasis on the responses from those who experience loneliness, as their voices often disappear in the shadow of the success stories from Ås.

Association life and party culture

In our survey, 41% responded that association life counteracts loneliness, 8% believe that it contributes to loneliness, while 51% feel that it can both counteract and contribute to loneliness. Many report that they thrive in their associations, and that this is what keeps loneliness away. Others said that they have been rejected by associations or struggle to find one that suits them, which can feel lonely.

Association life at Ås is a phenomenon with many nuances. Where some feel community, inclusion and friendship, others experience exclusion, isolation and a bubble that can be difficult to break into. After all, many of the associations are closed, where in many cases applicants have to go through a demanding application process where they have to put them selves out there, make sure they are always entertaining, and showcase their best side. Applicants are the assessed by a panel of judges who judge based on who appears to be the coolest and funniest. When you later see the group from the associations you were rejected from strolling into the Bodega in their association attire, it can be a deeply painful feeling. This is a recurring response in Tuntreet’s survey for those who don’t fit into the association life.

The party culture builds on this. 34% respond that the party culture counteracts loneliness, 7% answer that it contributes to loneliness, and 60% respond that it both counteracts and contributes to loneliness. A significant part of the party culture is, after all, based on which association one is a part of, as many social events are held within and between these groups. Additionally, there is often an expectation to maintain a moderate-to-high alcohol consumption at there gatherings, which our respondents believe contributes to students who either cannot drink or do not feel comfortable being intoxicated easily feeling excluded from the community.

The spirit of volunteerism

One of the things we are most proud of here in Ås is the strong presence of volunteerism, most often through the Student Society. Almost no matter what you want to contribute with, there is a suitable committee to become a member of – whether you are a party animal in the bar committee, or a quizmaster in the quiz group! Being part of a committee provides the opportunity to meet new people and experience the joy of creating happiness for others, whether you are working party nights or making waffles in Klubben. An impressive 87% of our respondents stated that student volunteerism is exclusively positive in combating loneliness, while only 2% believed it had negative consequences.

When loneliness goes too far

The survey revealed that many feel that they have fallen outside the Ås-bubble. Some report that they feel that they are not missed, that their friends are better off without them, and that they have no one to talk to. Some of the things mentioned by the Ås students are that they feel that they have the “wrong” political opinions, that they do not fit into the different social environments, or that they are always the one who is not invited. Mant miss feeling like a natural part of something. “You know that something is always happening somewhere, but not why you never hear about it”, expresses one respondent. Another writes: “Everyone else is happy, then the problem must be me”. In the long run, this can become quite heavy and take a toll on the psyche. Tuntreet has also been made aware that for some people this loneliness can go too far to the point that one no longer sees the point in living. This is where loneliness among students becomes dangerous. We would like to encourage our readers to check on their fellow students, make sure that those around you are doing well and that they have someone to talk to. Do not hesitate to contact the Youth and Student Health Center, the student life coordinator in SiÅs or the student priest – never walk around carrying heavy things alone. Contact information for mental health helplines can be found further down in the article.

Thoughts from a lonely student

After hearing what the general student body at NMBU feels, we wanted to interview a student about the topic face to face. Kine Lie is in her first year of a master’s degree in Global Development and says that she feels lonely as a student at NMBU. “Unfortunately, I think Ås is an easy place to feel lonely”, she says. Kine started at NMBU this fall, and like many others, she was completely new without any acquaintances or networks. It is not unusual to come to Ås alone, but she feels it is more difficult when you come to do a two-year master’s after studying somewhere else before. The buddy-week and much of the social program at Ås are tailored for those who have been studying at NMBU from the beginning.

The Ås-CULTure

Kine says that she feels lonelier as a student at Ås than she did when she did her bachelor’s degree at UiB in Bergen. When we ask why Ås makes her feel lonelier, she explains that the Ås-bubble is a double-edged sword. While the association life and party culture can be a way into a community for some, it can feel exclusionary for others. She wants to emphasize that it is not right to say that one place of study is better than another, and that Ås is not the “recipe for loneliness” – she just doesn’t quite fit in. Kine understands why many people fall for student life at Ås: “It is hard not to be charmed”, she laughs. The Ås-bubble is unique, but in many ways, it is also quite rigid. If you want to become part of the community, you have to fit into strict frameworks, and this is not always easy for everyone. Graskurs part 2, Torvald and Johannes, Stentor, UKA; Kine feels that Ås has a very niche culture, and that you have to contribute to maintaining this culture if you don’t want to fall outside. “I think the culture in Ås and all these terms can create a unifying effect and a sense that it is exclusive and special”, but it’s not for everyone.

Kine reflects that she felt more at home in Bergen because it was a large city with a more diverse culture. “It’s just statistics, in a bigger city there are more opportunities to meet like-minded people”. Ås, on the other hand, is a more restrictive bubble: “Studying in a smaller place is fertile ground for a closer environment”. This again has both advantages and disadvantages. It’s a matter of taste, says Kine – some people fit in, others don’t.

Kine is not currently a member of an association and has not found one that feels right for her. Even if she could join one, she fears that it would only increase her feelings of loneliness, since she does not feel a sense of belonging there. Joining an association

is no guarantee that she will feel less alone. She describes association life a bit like russ time. When it becomes so clear who has their foot in the circle and who does not, it becomes all the more clear who stands alone.

Another aspect of Ås culture that has contributed to Kine’s loneliness is the drinking culture. “Ås is three years of partying”, a friend said to her when she told her she was going to study at Ås. She admits that she herself is not that into drinking and that it can feel challenging in a student environment where so much of the social life is built around alcohol. She doesn’t want to the one who is sober that the party. It makes is easier to just stay home.

The lonely everyday life

Kine says that there is a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely. She can sit in a lecture or on a bodega stool at Samfunnet surrounded by fellow students and still feel lonely. On the contrary, Kine can feel lonelier in a social situation than when she just stays home alone. It becomes so clear when you go out to something social and still feel lonely, that you “fail”. “What if no one wants to talk to me, or the one person I know wants to go to the bathroom?” She also mentions that there is little culture in Ås for going to events alone. You have to go with someone else – but e\what if you don’t have anyone? The questions like “Is there something wrong with me?” can start to creep in.

Still, Kine sees herself as lucky. She has accepted that Ås is not a home, but a place where she will only do her master’s degree before moving on with her life. Since she has studies elsewhere and has established networks there, she knows that the world will not end if she does not make friends at Ås. It feels bad, but life goes on. “It is probably worse for those who are going to do a five-year master’s degree and already feel lonely”. If this loneliness becomes too much, Kine will encourage her fellow students to seek help. The health centre has call services for students to use. Your problem is never too big or too small to reach out about, the most important thing is that you talk to someone.

Normalizing loneliness

Kine shares her experience in hopes of breaking down the stigma surrounding loneliness. She believes that part of the problem is that it feels embarrassing to admit that you are lonely – even though many people experience it, few dare to talk about it. Still, she wishes it weren’t seen as brave or difficult to be open about loneliness. There really shouldn’t be a need to make an article like this – saying you feel lonely should be as natural as talking about other challenges in student life. She believes that a change in attitude is an important part of the solution.

Out of the darkness

Unfortunately, many people experience loneliness in what otherwise appears to be the idyllic Ås-bubble. When everyone else seems to be thriving, it is easy to point the finger at yourself – but the truth is that you are far from alone. Loneliness in Ås is widespread, it’s just not always visible. But we can emerge this dark shadow by turning on a light in the darkness. By shedding light on loneliness and talking about it, it becomes less frightening and less dangerous.

Advice from the Health Centre:

How to deal with loneliness

Loneliness is a big challenge in today’s student life, but fortunately there are solutions! Tuntreet contacted the Health Centre for Youth and Students. They have many skilled employees who work with this very issue, among other things, and where we have seen problems, they have come up with solutions.

1. What can you do yourself to feel less lonely?

Be aware of your thoughts. Loneliness is a feeling, and feelings are connected to what we think and do. If social media gives you negative thoughts about what you are missing out of, consider spending less time there.
Remember that alone time does not always mean loneliness. We all have different needs for social interaction. It is okay to thrive in your own company.
Explore new communities. Find out what brings you joy and meaning. Maybe there is an activity or meeting point where you can find belonging.

2. How can you help others who feel lonely

Be inclusive. Say hello to someone in class, invite a friend on a walk or make a phone call to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while.
Do small things in everyday. A smile, a greeting or a sall gesture can mean more than you think.

3. When should you seek professional help?

If the loneliness feels overwhelming. If you have tries various measures without effect, and your loneliness turns into depression-like thoughts or isolation, it may be a good idea to talk to a professional.

4. One thing you should remember

Dare to care. Regardless of whether you yourself feel lonely or not, you can make a difference. Meet eyes, smile and be present – both physically and mentally. We all ned belonging and community.